Life is what happened to you not the plan you made for yourself........

Here I would write many thing which happened to me during my so called LOVE life........That I think came to an end....How would it end, We dont know.....Let her decide. Because till now, she is the only one who was keep deciding each and everything for herself as well as for MEEEE........

Wait......Hopefully, I would have some good news for me.....I don't know when would I write my next blog about my LOVE life..

She Is Backkkkk !

Today is 16 April 2012. We were sitting in the office cafeteria. I was sad as usual. But suddenly, I heard a very good news that she decided to go with me. I was very happy at that time. But I did not know the time how long I would be happy. But forget everything. That was a golden moment of my life again that my life has come back to me. On the very next day, I have to go home for some personal work that was already planned and can not be avoided.....I was so happy that while I was on the train.I wrote a poem for her and send her at that time around midnight.........


Kai aur zindagi aapke sath jeene ka mann karta hai....
aaj to aapke sath  raat bhar jagne ka mann karta hai....
khule asmaan ke neeche apke sath baithne ka mann karta hai.....
jaise lahro ko kinare ko chune ka mann karta hai....
Waise mujhe bhi apko gale lagane ka mann karta hai.....
Aapke sath chand ki chandi me pyaar bhari baatein karne ka mann karta hai....
kai aur zindagi aapke sath jeene ko mann karta hai.....
Aaj to aapke sath jhoomne ka mann karta hai. aapke sath aapme kho jane ka mann karta hai....
Kai aur zindagi aapke sath jeene ka mann karta hai.........


I dont know what I have wriiten but she liked it. that is most important to me. :) :)

Ajeeb Dastan Hai Yeh....

Dated 11-April-2012

Again she is on the same track. In the last week from Monday to Sunday, she was talking to me normally. But after sunday evening, when we met. She was on the same track. I told earliar that she sent me a sms "what if I never get sure about you".At that time ,I asked her, did someone talk to her about me that night. She replied "NO". I listened but not agree with her answer. Because I knew that Nothing happened without the reason. And I was right. The very next day.....I asked her again and she said...."didi kah rhi thi ki apni wajah se uski life kyo kharab kar rhi ho". Yes...this was the reason why did she reply to me like this. Because I knew that when she met me..She was happy...I was feeling that she wanted to say something to me...but something was stopping her.She did not come to office on Monday...Why????? I don't know.But I know that she did not talk to me on monday too. Tuesday was also same for me.Today she was looking happy.But I was not feeling good. I was not enjoying at all.Even when I am with my friend and family then also I was in different mood. She was not going out of my mind.But Now I am realising that she went so far that I could not think about her to come back.45 days passed and she is still able to manage thing without me...And I am thinking ,when after 45 day,she is not thinking to come back then it seems impossible to me that she will come back.Each and every moment of my life, I am remembering her and whenever I thought about her..My eyes gonna wet.My heart is crying so hard.That how could a person do this to you...That first she is in love with you than after sometime she is unsure about you and even after 45 days , she is unsure....This is real shock to me....Today ,she talked to me to discuss what could be the reason for her unsurity....

...........Is caste still a curse for society ??? Continue.....

Now i made her so comfortable with me so that she can talk to me without hesitation. And i was succeeded. I was thinking that i would be happy without her but that was not true. This time again i went home on 6 April 2012. I chatted with her through sms but still i was unhappy. Because that was not a chat in which we both were involved. That was general talk, discussing some random things.

I don't know,why am i remembering the trip to the Taaj.That day i was very happy , you can say one of my best day in my life. I can not say that this is the only best day because in the past few month she did make days very special to me. When she said "I LOVE YOU"  to MEEEE on 23 Nov 2011 ,that was the biggest day in my life till that day. I was so happy ,I was feeling the luckiest person in the earth. Who was in love with a beautiful and sensible girl. Who knew how to talk people. That is one of her attitude, I like the most...

Lets move to the other side of this true LO?VE story...I put a question mark between LOVE......because there is a doubt.....Is this a LOVE story ????......As she don't know what is this feeling......

She is saying to me that she is unsure. But can u feel the real truth behind this that she did not have power to ask her parent that don't send me the biodata for marriage, at least not now ,she was receiving continuously. Reading those biodata's.I dont know what was she thinking or in which mood she was seeing all those Bio data .And when her parents asked her about her kundli ,she searched and gave to her dad.... :( :( :(
And i was thinking that she will fight for me against her parents.One side she put me in dilemma (Neither she was leaving me nor accepting me) and other side ,she was enjoying her life with her nephew, sister and her very intelligent jiju who knew everything about me ,even he did not meet me.

She did not bother about me at all. But she used to say that she care for me. But i never feel it .May be God know the way how she cares for me. May be she cares in her heart. But how would i know that she cares. I am not God kind of person.I am simple man who care very much the feeling of love. But if you love and care someone then it is good to express it, just show your care and love to whom you love and care.

Now i don't know about her but slowly and slowly i am realising that what did she want two month back . She is going to get soon. Currently i am coming back to noida, writing this while on train. We both were chatting when i boarded the train. We were chatting and discussing one thing but when she did not have answer of my question,she stopped chat and became angry. This is her habit. This time when i was in my home, i was feeling alone so i want to discuss my feeling to someone who is very close to me. And she is the only person right now. So i sent her a sms ,i have lots of things to talk to you but i cannot talk these stuff on phone or sms. I want to talk face to face. But she was forcing me to discuss on sms. I again insisted her that i can not discuss this on sms ,it is my real feeling and i dont want my feeling to discuss on phone. I was not comfortable. Then she realized and said okay. But now i dont want to discuss with her because that discussion belongs to my family and i dont want to discuss that with a ............I dont want that someone in near future would make fun of my family. I love her so much and keep loving. But my family respect is also very important to me....

I reached home......one hour has been passed. I was lying on my bed. Suddenly, I got one sms from her....."Rajender place a jao". I was little shocked but very much....because I have already shocked many times from her. So it did not make much difference to me. I replied "kya hua ?".   She again replied with her anger attitude.." Nahi ana ?"...I sent "Dhamki de rahi ho ? "... she replied "No"....Then our discussion went normal......I decided to go there...I asked where ? She asked me again "Nirula's or Mac's ? ?"....

I thought little and asked her to wait in Nirula's....A little hope was in my heart again...So I thought Nirula's is the best option for that because this is the place where we met alone first time on her birthday. :) :)

I reached there, she was waiting for me........We chatted normally....met just like a friend, discussing some random topic again,,,,She said once....."Mera milne ka mann ho raha tha..". I said "Good". We were both together till evening around 1930 hours.Then I left her to her metro station...And I came back...Her last message for that day was "ghar pahuchna to bata dena..". I was very happy again.May be some good things would be coming in near future.but.....

But again that was a myth for me.....She was looking very happy when we met...I was very positive but I don't know what happened again....I reached home around 2200 Hours. I sent her 3-4 message..but did not reply even for my one sms....I waited till 0030 hours.....Then my day was over..I sent her my last sms that is "good night :) ".......I was thinking may be she might busy after reaching home..but I woke up in the morning..I have one sms from her...stating "what if I never get sure about you ?"....I am shocked again..But not a new thing for me....I was habitual now....I replied "you are not doing good to you. And for me.I am not sure.".
She did not reply me back....And next day was passed she did not even want to talk to me that day....I sent her 5-6 message and she just replied back...with no positive energy. I was feeling that she was forced to reply my sms. So I stopped smsing to her......but before going to bed today 9 April 2012. I will send a last message again that is "Good Night :) and Take care".......So now I am going to stop here....  lets hope for the good thing....

Is caste still a curse for society ???

Hello friends,


Its really a long time when I posted my last thought. What am i thinking that when peoples are happy ,they are busy in doing so many things.But ,when peoples are sad ,they tend to write their thought in some place ...may be in own diary or some other personal area like blog.....hhhhh ,who never published to anyone.


it is just the feeling, which was going on their mind and heart but sometimes they don't want to discuss this with anyone.it depends on peoples.


I was born in a family whose caste is low.........low in the sense, Scheduled Caste.
I never thought of this in my past 27 year of life, That I was born in this caste. I never felt regret about this in my life till today. Or even I will not feel any regret in future as well. Because I know that I am born in very good family who has very high thinking and values. We never live a dual life where people want to progress in all area but when it comes on caste their thinking is always very very low.


Last year, 2011 is going good for me. I was very happy in my life with friends, family and roommates.
but somewhere in the end of this year......I was feeling something in my heart ....that is for sure LOVE LOVE and only LOVE........At this time ,I was very happy ....I never ever felt this before in my life. We both were very happy, we shared so many things between us.We planned to marry as well, we did many promises as other couple do.


But you will never be happy for so long....as you never be sad so long..hhhhh, just a balance in life.Make a promise is very simple but keep the promise alive is very difficult. When it comes to take a stand against your loved one( of course so called family). It is not a easy task....i felt this many time when I used to talk her. Every time when her family forced her to leave me, just because of my low caste, she was confused that what should she do. It was not like she didn't love me but she was little afraid to go against their family.....What I analysed about her that she is getting influenced very soon.And also, she is not able to handle pressure as well. Her mind got stuck when she had been running lot many thought in her mind about me and her family.
This time is very bad for me.....I used to live alone sometimes, I didn't want to talk with anyone. I didn't want to think about her but this was not in my control.....I was not driving myself , it was my heart who was driving me at this time.I was feeling very bad as all of my dreams were getting ruin by her attitude....I gave her many chance and also let her make understood about her nature.....She is very image conscious and also want to think herself only. She understood and promise me to change herself.


One good thing about her is that she know that she may be wrong in some place so she tries to understand things.


Phase is going on, lets see what would happen next......Still, I am waiting for her to come back.........



8 days has been passed but still she was not talking to me as she talks before. We had stopped walking in lunch time. In the morning time also ,we were not having the breakfst too. I didn't know the reason that why was she behaving like this but only,I knew one thing that I was not good at all. I was sleeping very early and I was not interested in talking to other.if anyone wanted to talk with me, I was not interested. She used to say "khush Raho Yar" but please someone make her realise that how can I be happy without her. I am writing this again on holi , 2012. I was in my hometown . My holi never went like this before. All day I was remembering her,  I was waiting for her call or sms but she did not call me whole day. In every 15 minute I was checking my both cellphone but I never found any sms from her.I was feeling pain inside me. I want to be happy with my family but I was unable to make myself happy. I am also thinking about my holiday and I am scared to think, how will these day pass. Now I am also scared of weekend. Whole day I did not do anything except to remember her.  The time is 6 PM. May be she will call me . I am waiting again.......


what is this ? What is happening with me ? Sometime, I was thinking, how do a person become so important to you that you cannot forget that people. Whenever you will be free or even doing some important work but you can not let your mind free,that is , not to think about that people. Would I be happy in near future?  Would she be happy ? Big question for me ??????


If yes, than why did she do this to me ? I remembered one thing .I told her when we were in a very good relationship .Where, we both decided to marry each other. I told her that if you love someone tell them and if not than also tell them ,it never hurt a people to hear NO but it really really hurt after being in relationship for 3-4 month ,you say ,you are unsure. Unsure for what? 


Did I do something wrong ? Or she found something wrong in me that is still a mystery for me. But I want answer of this question. It is really a very important answer for me......what I think my caste is a very big question for her. But I never thought that she will back off because of this reason........let me again wait for her answer.......She did not call me whole day. I was stopping myself not to call her , cellphone in my hand, thinking of calling her and finally, I called her, she picked my call , but i did not know what to do. We talked little. Again my day was not good....I do not know when will i be happy ?? 
Today 24 march 12. I am lying on my bed and thinking about her and at the same time ,my eyes is going wet ,whenever I thought about her I feel very pain inside me. Today almost one month has been passed and still she is on the same track. Two days back she was saying that she wanted to talk to me face to face,why ? Don't know . And after that she did not call me from that day.Also, I didn't call her because I was hurted alot when I called her last time one week before. She said "I used to afraid to pick your call and you are pressuring me by talking like this". I just told her that I am not good at all. I was trying to stop my self not to talk her like this , I wanted to talk her normally but I could not. Because I am deeply in love with her. Still don't know what would happen.....but I m not positive that she will come back but my heart is still waiting for her to come back in my arms. Is it so simple to forget poeple to whom you are in love? She is pretending to me that she dont know what would she do? But I am sure that she dicided to leave me but the thing is that she is doing it in different way by saying that give me 1-2 month after that she will tell me that wheather she want me or not. But what I believe that she gave me this 2 month to forget her and after that when she would say no to me that I would not react much. This would help her alot. Sometime I felt very bad when I recall her statement ,she said once "please dont spoil my future by using some memory of our relationship" . This hurted me alot. Actually , I forgot that how many times she hurted me. And ,also I dont want to remember those heart hurted statement. Now I think, I should stop writing for today. Lets wait again if some good thing happens today, 24 march 2012.